17 hilarious DIY disasters you’ll be glad didn’t happen to you

“I came home early one spring afternoon to find it was a bit cool in the house, so I decided to build a fire in the fireplace. I hate to admit it, but sometimes we use a little charcoal lighter fluid to get the fire started. This time, however, the can was empty. I went to the garage to find a substitute and spotted a can of starting fluid that said ‘highly flammable.’ Just what I wanted, or so I thought. I brought it into the house and sprayed some onto the logs. Big mistake. I lit a match and before I could even get it into the kindling, there was a thunderous explosion. Blue flames shot out of the lower vent, hitting my shins just above my shoes and scorching my socks. Luckily I escaped without injury or any major damage to my house. I never told anyone until now. My advice: Start your kindling only with a little newspaper and a match!”

“After I left for college, my father decided to empty my waterbed. Unable to get a good siphon going, he gave up and dropped the hose on the floor and left the room to take care of other chores. Hours later he noticed water dripping through the ceiling below. The siphoning had started after all. When I went home that weekend, he had several garbage cans in the living room and had drilled holes all over the ceiling to let the water out. Poor Dad. I’d never seen him more frustrated and forlorn. I don’t think we’ll be shopping for another waterbed anytime soon!”

“Soon after we restored our 1920s-era farmhouse, it was time to clean up the construction debris. A friend offered the use of his heavy-duty dump truck, and because we’d spent a fortune on the remodel, I took him up on it. My wife and I spent days carefully filling the dump truck with old windows, drywall and yard waste, loading it so tightly a mouse couldn’t crawl through. I started the truck and proceeded to drive across the yard. Suddenly the truck broke through the top of our septic tank and was buried up to its axle. We spent a whole day emptying the truck and had to call for a special tow truck to pull it out. So much for saving money!”

“As I was installing a basement water softener, my family started to complain about the water being shut off. Well, I tried to hurry. I was holding a propane torch with one hand while trying to join the pipes with the other. No go – I needed both hands, so I tucked the flaming torch between my knees to free up my other one. As I reached upward, the torch flipped downward and set my pants on fire! I swatted the fire out and did a fancy two-step to get my pants off. I spent the next hour in the tub soaking off the melted polyester that had stuck fast to my skin. Luckily, I didn’t have a serious burn. I have learned not to rush jobs – or at least to wear flame-retardant work duds when I do.”

“My old riding mower works fine, except for a weak battery that needs an occasional jump start. One fine day as I was riding it across the lawn, I had to shut it down to take a phone call. When I tried to start it up again, the engine wouldn’t turn over. Luckily, it had died near the street, so I pulled my car up next to the mower, connected the jumper cables and waited a few minutes.
“Standing next to the mower, I pressed my foot down on the brake, turned the key and sure enough, the engine started right up. I then took my foot off the brake and watched in horror as the mower sped away, ripping the ends of the jumper cables off as it went. I had forgotten to put the transmission in neutral! Thankfully, I was able to hop on and stop it before it got too far, but I got a hearty round of applause from my neighbours, who appreciated the clown show.”

“I’m building my own home, and I pride myself on being able to tackle almost any job. I thought I’d figured out a great system for installing the prehung doors. My problem came when I got to a closet door that opened out from the closet. To keep the door frame square, I nailed blocks at a 45-degree angle to the outside of the jambs. I then got my shims, level and nail gun ready and went into the lighted closet and started shimming and shooting nails into the jambs. When I finished, I tried to open the door. The blocks were nailed across the jambs on the other side. I didn’t have a hammer or a pry bar, but I remembered the mobile phone in my pocket. I called my brother, and after I listened to his hysterics, he agreed to come and rescue me. He hasn’t mentioned it to anyone yet, but I know he’s just waiting for the right moment.”

“In the middle of a bathroom repair, I left a bottle of Super Glue uncapped while I answered the phone. My husband went into the bathroom and disrobed for a shower – but first, he sat on the toilet. An inveterate bathroom reader, he picked up the glue bottle and started to read it. A few minutes later, I heard this muffled cry for help. I hung up and went to investigate. My husband had somehow glued his chest to his thighs. I got him backed out of the bathroom and onto the bed and tried to pull his legs free. We couldn’t get him unstuck! I decided he must be rushed to the emergency room, but he refused to go naked. But how do you get pants on a naked man glued to himself? I brought in a plastic lawn bag to wrap him in, but he refused to go like that. I called a nurse friend, who, after laughing uncontrollably, suggested I dribble nail polish remover onto his chest and work it into the glued area with cotton swabs. It worked, but to this day, any mention of Super Glue brings a look of terror to my husband’s face.”

“After giving our living room a fresh coat of paint, I decided to try my hand at refinishing the hardwood floors. So I rented a floor sander, a 40kg beast of a machine with a large rotating drum that sands the floor while you walk behind. I loaded a coarse-grit sandpaper, as recommended, and plugged in the machine. After sanding a few feet, the machine stopped. I noticed that the heavy plug had partially slipped out, so I walked over and wiggled it back into the outlet.

“I quickly discovered that the sander’s switch was still on. The thing started up and shot across the room like the rabbit at a dog race, with me chasing it. It crashed through the wall I had just painted, leaving a hole about the size of…well, a floor sander. Even worse, my wife and daughter had been watching. They quietly left the room. I also left the room…to get my drywall tools.”